Boundaries

Boundaries

Like any relationship, a healthy discipleship relationship needs established boundaries. Boundaries give relationships stability and longevity. They are set to mentally, spiritually and emotionally protect you and those you disciple.

Be flexible, yet intentional

While not every time together will be a structured meeting, make sure that your relationship is based on discipleship. A lack of focus can shift a discipleship relationship into a friendship with mere coffee meetings or hang-outs. Be intentional in your use of time. Spend time catching up and enjoying each other, but keep in mind the purpose of your relationship is to grow in Christ. Be flexible as needs and other topics arise, but set aside regular time for accountability questions, Bible study and prayer.

Be honest, yet guarded

As a disciple-maker, you want to be authentic, open and honest. However, use your discernment on the depth to which you explore some personal topics. Remember, you are a spiritual leader to whomever you disciple. This relationship may not be the best place for you to air your grievances. Model godly habits in the way you discuss your difficulties, especially when others are involved.

Be confidential, yet cautious

The person you disciple should be able to trust you completely. This relationship should be a safe place for them to be open and honest with struggles, joys and griefs. However, some things should not be kept secret. Let your disciple know up front that you will not share anything they’ve told you unless it’s potentially harmful or illegal or unless they give you permission.

Be available, yet protective

As a disciple-maker investing in the life of another, your relationship will extend beyond weekly meetings. You want to become a trusted confidant and advisor. This often leads to communicating more than once a week. However, don’t let your disciple monopolize your time with family, friends and the Lord. Decide beforehand what times you will not be available and what needs you cannot meet. Don’t let your discipleship relationship be taken advantage of, in such a way, that it detracts from, or causes other relationships to suffer.

Be committed, yet discerning

In this relationship, you as the disciple-maker should have a higher level of spiritual maturity than the person with whom you are meeting. That means you will often be found more reliable and faithful than the one you are teaching. If your disciple begins to show a lack of commitment to your meetings, whether it is in not respecting your time (missing meeting or arriving late) or in not exhibiting an effort to grow in their faith, show grace. Remind them of the importance of following through with their commitments and of the importance of your discipleship meetings. However, if the lack of commitment is consistent, you will need to re-evaluate your relationship. It may be better for both of you to end or postpone formal discipleship and consider other ways to support and encourage one another.

"Whenever I feel a discipleship meeting is lacking in substance, I open the Bible. Reading God’s word transforms your time with someone from a mere conversation to a life impact. God’s Word is supernaturally powerful to challenge, refresh and teach."

—Beth